Meryll Soriano bared her dark past as she recalled her struggles giving birth to her first child Elijah in 2007.
On her latest vlog titled "My Postpartum Journey," the actress looked back at her most difficult phase during her first pregnancy when she was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, while also undergoing treatment for drug use.
“Can you imagine yung journey ko na chaos? Kasi hindi ko pa naman kilala yung bipolar at that time. Kailangan ko pa i-assess 'yung sarili ko,” Meryll said.
“But wala rin akong time noon because that was also the year that I started my sobriety from drug use. In short, I was all over the place,” she added.
While she did not mention any name in the video, Meryll's marriage with her ex-husband Bernard Palanca was on the rocks during the time she was pregnant. According to her, she thought her decisions were merely because she was a risk-taker.
"Tapos hindi maganda yung relationship status ko at that time. Nakikilala ko pa lang sarili ko."
"May mga desisyon ako na dahil pala sa aking pagiging bipolar disorder. Akala ko risk-taker lang ako. But meron pala akong condition," she said.
"So, 'yun nga, hindi ko pa kilala yung sarili ko with this bipolar disorder thing, and in denial po ako noon. Ang dami kong gusto kong gawin."
"Tapos I was in a terrible place with my relationships—family, partner, friends—kaya it was really a hard moment in my life," she added.
By the time she reached her fourth month, Meryll said that she kind of embraced her condition and simply enjoyed her pregnancy journey.
However, Meryll faced postpartum depression after giving birth to her son. It even reached a point that she had thoughts of taking her own life due to extreme hormonal changes.
“Grabe 'yung hormonal changes and talagang I was in a terrible place. I had the thoughts of suicide. I had thoughts of hurting myself,” she revealed.
Meryll then sought both psychological and psychiatric help to help her cope with her conditions. She also advised her fellow mommies who experience the same to do so since the extra support can be a great help to their mental health.
Now, Meryll happily shared that she didn't experience these things during her second pregnancy, all thanks to her supportive partner Joem Bascon.
"I have Joem. Laking tulong niya sa aking personal needs as a person, as his partner, and then also, 'yung needs ng baby. Talagang natutulungan niya ako," she said.
"And also, I'm ready for this baby. Unlike noon with Eli, it wasn't planned. And I was going through so much at that time kaya na-experience ko 'yung postpartum depression," she added.
Watch her full vlog here:
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