Markus Paterson has admitted that his near-fatal motorcycle accident back in 2018 was "intentional."
"It was intentional, yeah. I've never said that," he told his friend Kyle Echarri in an episode of Real Talk on his Youtube channel.
He explained, "Physically, I crashed my bike. I put myself in a situation where I broke my leg. I shattered it to the point where I could have been jello. It was jello. It was a time in my life that was so dark. When I woke up in the hospital with a broken leg and a shattered kneecap, I woke up and I was like, 'Goddamn, I'm still alive?'"
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"I never really get in-depth about it but depression is not something to mess with...before I experienced it myself, I thought it was just some psychological thing that people can just get over easily but it's not."
"It's something that gets a hold of your everyday life. When you wake up in the morning its in the back of your mind. It becomes the shadow of your shadow and you can't get over it until you face it and that was my mistake, I couldn't face it. I was in a dark hole for a long time," he continued.
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Markus also said that apart from struggling with mental health, a situation with an ex-girlfriend — whom he did not name — pushed him into an even worse state.
He said, "Her family...was calling me every day, on Viber leaving messages, and these were her parents. Calling me every day, letting me know how much of a lowlife I was, how much of a degenerate I was. I know I made mistakes now, but back then, I didn't. I was just trying to be happy, and at that time, she made me happy."
He continued, "We had a great time together, [but] we made mistakes. There's no way to blame just her, if it was anyone's fault it was mine. I was the guy and I was the guy that was older, I should have known [better], I should have known who we were hurting at that time."
Markus said that the night of his accident, he was "committed to ending it...I was committed to not waking up the next morning, and I was disappointed when I did wake up the next morning. It was that dark in my life."
Now two years later, Markus has not just recovered physically, but mentally as well. He said this to people who are struggling in the same way he was, "Just appreciate what you have...there's nothing more precious than the life you're living right now."
He continued, "Just know that there are people out there who love you, that would need you, and that's what I didn't understand. I thought that I could just give it up because there was nothing else for me in this life, but I was wrong. I had so much more to live for, and you do too."
"If you're thinking about ending your life, don't," he pressed.
"I'm so grateful for the mistakes that I've made."
"I'm so grateful for the second chance I've been given."
Watch the full interview here:
Markus is part of Rise Artists Studio. You can catch him alongside other Rise Artists on "We Rise Together" every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, 12 noon, in the Rise Artists Studio and Star Cinema Facebook pages.
You can also watch full episodes on Rise Artists Studio's Youtube channel!
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