If there’s one thing people nowadays dread more than the prospect of a failed relationship, it’s probably the waiting. We’d rather dive in and experience things, notwithstanding the cuts and bruises. We like certainty, “instant” is what we’re comfortable with. Waiting, on the other hand, forces us to bear with the unknown. So why bother to wait, then?
Occasionally, however, we come across a tear-jerking wedding video or two (who doesn’t love a good tear-jerking wedding video?) and we hear couples’ vows about how the wait was definitely worth it. This then leaves us all to wonder exactly how they were able to endure the wait.
Nikki Gil – now, Nikki Gil-Albert – is one of those blessed individuals who ended up with a gem of a marriage, though not without difficulty. The former MYX VJ – who’s experienced a failed relationship herself – has had her fair share of waiting.
Last July 2016, Nikki Gil answered a question from “B” on her blog, nikkigil.com, about waiting for the right one.
B asked, “Tell me exactly, how did you wait? I’ve been alone my entire life and oftentimes, I want to give up on love. It can get tiring and frustrating at times. And I’m not getting any younger haha!”
Whether we’d like to admit it or not, many of us share B's sentiments. The waiting is the hardest part, probably because there’s so much ambiguity to it. It also doesn’t help that we’re living in an age when we’re used to getting things immediately.
Nonetheless, Nikki shares that it isn’t impossible to do. Here are a few things she imparted to B (and to the rest of us who aren’t very enthusiastic about the waiting game):
“We all have different love stories.”
Nikki’s a big fan of books in the romantic genre. Still, she admitted that reading a lot of them wasn’t healthy for her. “I spent most of my single years wishing I were in the same ideal relationship as the protagonists in my books,” she said. “But as I grew older and got to learn from more experienced women, I realized that we all have different love stories. You have OFW couples surviving long distance relationships, individuals meeting their partners after 40, some meeting their partners in high school. There is no formula.”
“How long you wait is not nearly as important as HOW you wait.”
Nikki believes that throwing yourself a pity party while you’re waiting won’t get you far. She wrote, “Don't waste your time grumbling, feeling sorry for yourself and hating [men]. Know that every failed relationship of yours is one step closer to your destiny.”
Her failed relationship didn’t stop her from trusting that it was still possible for her to have a lifetime partner. She, instead, chose to look at her past relationship as a learning opportunity and waited patiently for “the one”.
“Use this time to focus on your own growth and well-being!” she advised. “Work on becoming your own person so you don't end up pressuring your future partner to 'complete' you, and feel disappointed when he doesn't.”
Think of it like this: the waiting isn’t just about you. You’re preserving yourself for your future partner as well.
“Being someone's partner also means being responsible for that person's heart. Use this time to focus on preparing yourself to be a good partner, instead of focusing just on what you can consume from a relationship,” she shared.
“God has His own timetable.”
“One of the questions I always get asked is if I regret 'wasting' many of my years with a person I did not end up with. And my answer is NO.”
In hindsight, Nikki realized that there were things she was able to learn only through that experience.
"I know that He (God) can take back the time and give me back the years I've ‘lost’. Which is pretty much what He did with me and BJ. God has his own timetable. And His timing is impeccable."
Nikki’s love story is proof that beautiful stories can be written out of crooked lines. It’s living proof that it’s still possible to find a lifetime partner even after a bunch of relationship screw-ups. If you’re willing enough to wait a little longer, you might not even need to look. It will just come.