Dear Star Cinema,
He was that guy who filled all my needs.
We first met at school. He was my senior. Everyone has a crush on him because he can almost do anything. He excels in academics yet he maintains his status as a basketball superstar, while I was just a wallflower. I didn’t know how he noticed me. I was just lazily walking down our college building when I dropped my things then voila! He picked them up for me. I knew then and there that I will do anything for him.
We both found our common interest such as rooting for the fictional character Holden Caulfield of “Catcher in the Rye” like how on earth can he relate to a young boy full of angst against the world? He has everything under his sleeve! But as time passed by, he told me things most people don’t know about him. He is as fragile and vulnerable as I am. We complement each other. We need each other.
After months of reading books together, marathon movie sessions, and countless exchange of text messages, we fell in love with each other. We'd already talked about so many big things and we could always make each other laugh. And even if there was a possibility it might be kind of awkward, he made it a chance worth taking.
When he graduated, I felt that I was no longer his priority. Our relationship stopped, but it never ended. I just know that "we" now live in the past and it's causing me lingering sense of being incomplete.
I know we both hurt each other. I remember more the pain he caused me than the pleasure he gave me.
Holding on to grudges, preserving anger, and reliving regrets had caused me anxiety and suffering for years. I admit, I had a hard time forgiving him. But, I realized that forgiveness is the only way to heal myself. After all, I still love him.
Despite the hurt, I know I love him. Honestly, I need him in my life and I want him back. But, I don't know if he is willing to be part of my life again. All I know is, he is the one that got away and I want to chase him, but I am afraid he hasn't forgiven me yet.
What if his love for me has already EXpired? What if he is not willing to EXperience again the love he once gave me? What if the EXcitement has gone for good?
I have lots of what ifs right now, but I really need to take a risk and know the answers straight from him. If he loves me still or not anymore, I have to accept.
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